Plan Of Action

The other day at our family photos my sister was talking about wanting to do "bedroom" photos for her husband next year. So I've been thinking about doing them ever since for my babe. bandwagon.much. I've done some before which I love them but I want to do better ones. But I'm not in any shape do do them now do I figure I need a plan to get into shape by December to do them for our anniversary next January. I need to start eating better and get back to the gym I have become bigger than I've ever been in fact buying pants yesterday was terrible because I've realized just how big my ass has become and I know part of that is due to my recent situation but the weight needs to be gone I need to tone up and get back to my lovely smaller self.
I'm a little worried about going back to the gym now that I'm out of school and then failing to continue once I start back with my normal retarded work and school schedule. That would suck in fact that is a reason that I'm second guessing myself in this decision. That and I've never lost weight even while going to the gym everyday I just maintained the same weight which was fine but that's not okay this time because now I'm bigger then ever and it's not a weight I want to stay at.
Wish me luck I will need it.

Remember Me?!

Well I'm back.
So it's been a while and a lot has happened.
Good: I past my last set of classes. Now I just have 2 retakes and I'll be on to my extern :)
I'm still so very much happily in love with my husband. He is the best guy for me hands down. I know with out a doubt no matter how bad things get he will always be here for me. The way he cares about me and worries about my well being is unlike anyone else I've had in my life and I'm so glad we are married. I really hope that i make him as happy as he makes me.
Alright the bad: some people know and some had no idea I was even pregnant but last Monday I miscarried again. This is so heartbreaking to me because I really truly want to have kids with Jesse maybe more than I want anything else. I know he will make the best dad and I want to give him that. I'm really angry that it happened because I see so many people that don't want their kids or that just shouldn't have kids popping them out like its nothing and here we are happy and in love wanting our baby and ready to step up and be the best parents and it's just taken away. I do believe that God is telling us it isn't our time yet but why get our hopes up just to smash the dream? I'm not angry with God I just don't understand it. We will be trying again after a while. Not sure exactly when but once we get more settled and most likely when things slow down for me with work and school. And hopefully than it'll be our time. I'm staying positive and focusing on Jesse and I. We've only been married a month so with this mishap we will have more time to focus on each other before we become parents. With the bad there is good if you look for it. So I'm choosing to find the good.
I know people want to talk about it and want to make sure were doing okay and I am grateful and thankful to you guys but I'm just not one to want to talk about it. Anything I have to say about it I've talked to Jesse about and honestly not to be rude or what not he's the only one I need to share with so I choose to do that. He is my comfort and he's the one that understands when I tell him things others might not. Another reason I have fallen more in love with him.
Alright I'm done for now. Have a good night.

Stepping Into My New Role...Wife

So as everyone has realized Jesse and I got married on Jan 14th. I'm so excited to be his wife. I honestly have never been this happy before he really does bring out the best in me. He makes me want and strive to be a better me. It's funny how life works itself out. A year ago I was engaged to a man I was with for 6 years and seriously on a daily bases I thought about how I could get out of it. Until finally I said this is it it's enough and I packed up and haven't looked back. Than 5 months later I met the man I seriously can't see myself without. 4 months later here we are married ;) it was a big secret to keep but we pulled of a fantastic wedding with the help of many great friends and family members who made it all happen for sure. It was a great night and now we are settling into married life pretty well so far. Our biggest challenge right now is my job. The hours are terrible but were working on that. But married life is just like living with someone only better because I know in 10, 20, and 30 years I'll still have someone that is only mine and that is such a comfort I don't think people realize how much they need that reassurance until they get it then it's like oh yea I've been looking for this.
Yay married life ;)

I'm still alive.

I haven't blogged in awhile but big things are happening ;) but they are secrets still so we can't talk about them yet but soon. We are happier than ever and I am getting happier by the day with him :)
Today is Christmas Eve and Jazines birthday. It's also the day I fly to spend Christmas with Jesse and his family which I can't wait for since I haven't seen him since Sunday. A week is a long time when you are used to seeing someone everyday. But I'm excited :) only 4 more hours and I'll finally be off thank gosh.
School is good. Started my last sequence last week :))) do glad for that.
Alright I'm tired and need to get through these last hours. :)
Merry Christmas people

School, Life, and What Not

So I'm in my second to last sequence in school and I'm way nervous about it. I've already failed 2 classes which is all that you are allowed to fail before you get kicked out. I.AM.STRESSED. To say the least. I can't believe I'm so close to 1. Finishing (kinda) and 2. Possibly failing out. I don't know what I will do if that happens to be honest. I think there will be a lot of solitude (besides certain people) but I'm thinking there will be no talking to a bunch of people until I figure out what I will do next. I'm very very bitter about failing one of my classes and if I do happen to fail out I will be fighting it because I did nothing wrong in one course but failed it because I missed a day in another course. That hasn't sat well with me since that happened and I will be talking to someone about that. Anyways. I'll be giving up my weekend and sadly Jesses' weekend as well so I can study my life away to pass the test and class I'm struggling in. Which is all due to failing 1 test. FML for real.
Anyways I'm crossing my fingers, toes and any other body part that can be crossed and you should too.
Jesse and I are doing GREAT!! I'm so happy when I'm with him. I just met his parents they are awesome and his mom and uncle are really funny. I'm glad I got to meet them I can't wait to see them for Christmas. :)
I found out some terrible news today that hurts my heart and brain to think about. I will never understand why this happens and I seriously want to gouge out his eyes and anyone else's that is able to do this without a second thought! I know everything will work out I'm just worried about the outcome.
Alright, I'm tired and I need to get back to studying.
Good night my lovelies.

Thankful

It's Thanksgiving!!?!? Holy geez where did the time go? Seriously Christmas in one short month! *freak out mode*
Anyways I figured I'd write a blog about all the things I'm thankful for.
•my family, thank you for always being here for me. my sister and brother in law have been amazing letting me stay with them and taking care of bandit when I'm not home to do so. That means so much.
•my wondrous boyfriend, who seriously keeps me sane most days and makes sure I am taken care of. love him(most)
•bandit, everyone know I'm a little crazy for him he is my baby and I love him to death.
•my friends, who understand I'm running myself ragged with school and work and don't really have time for them as much as I'd like to. Sorry guys someday hopefully soon.
•school, even though it kicks my ass most days I'm still taking in everything I can to better myself.
•my job, as much as it sucks(making me work on Thanksgiving) I'm still thankful that I have it and it pays my bills.
•the men and women serving our country, without them we wouldn't be celebrating this holiday with the freedoms we do today.
•God, for my life everyday and for everything else I'm thankful for since without him they wouldn't be possible.

Well Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

from there to here and happy again

Here I am, 8 months back in Vegas. Almost (14 or so) weeks left in school. Working. In love with an amazing man. ::oh.how.things.change.so.quickly::
So when I first moved back I saw Elvi and the first thing out of her month was "you look like shit". That statement couldn't have been any more true and man was it something I needed to hear. It's amazing how the impact of the truth can kick you into gear. I amped up my job search, signed up for school, and got the hell out of the house as much as I could.
I seen Elvi last month for my baby girls birthday party and the first words out of her mouth were "you look so happy". She's known me for a long time she's seen me at my lowest and she's now seen me at my highest. I've never been as happy as I am today. I am going to school for something I love, I can't wait to be back in the clinic. I have a job that pays my bills. I have amazing people in my life, my family is so great, including my love he keeps me completely happy.
Who would have thought things would be looking so bright and sun-shinning great so quickly? I sure didn't. But I couldn't be happier that's for sure.

::side note::if you followed my last blog, you should drop that one. I've moved and will be posting on this blog. 😁